drawing connections
** WARNING - CONTENT INCLUDES REFERENCE TO SEXUAL ASSAULT AND SEXUAL ABUSE**If you need assistance with the issue of sexual assault or abuse please contact:
Ballarat CASA 03 5320 3933 or After Hours/Crisis Care 24 hours - free call 1800 806 292
drawing connections
connecting through drawing
connecting while drawing
connecting with drawings
drawing connections
collaboratively explores the possible
connections and commonalities
we have as survivors of childhood sexual abuse,
regardless of our individual stories.
drawing connections
conceived and facilitated by Rebecca Russell,
an artist with lived experience,
in collaboration with
Somatic Experiencing practitioner Silvana Izzo,
sound designer and composer Steph O’Hara and
video artist Dotahn Caspi.
drawing connections
participants became collaborators in a process involving viewing artworks, locating responses in the body, drawing, finding connections between the drawings and telling stories.
Drawing connections collaborators:
Blake Curran
Tessa H
Pete W
Harpy
Whiny
Rebecca Russell
Dotahn Caspi
Steph O’Hara
Silvana Izzo
about the works
The five short films and accompanying verbatim poetry*, are a snapshot of the drawings, stories and more importantly, the connections that were made during our time of drawing together. They capture some of the main themes that bubbled to the surface throughout this process. They come from a deeply personal place but represent bigger themes, themes that connect us as survivors.
During our final session, we had a complex discussion about how an audience might experience our work. Silvana Izzo shared some thought provoking insights:
The modern world feels really uncomfortable with human suffering…
And this (work) feels like suffering.
We don’t need to make suffering go away with a rainbow at the end,
with a happy ending.
We need to bear human suffering.
Be with people and not turn away.
Choosing to hear the story,
to be a witness actually to the whole of suffering.
Not to make it better.
Not to put a rainbow at the end.
Not to say, OK you’ve told your story,
now you can move on.
Thank you for being here and bearing witness.
We, the drawing connections collaborators,
invite you to…
watch the videos in order,
wearing headphones.
To all survivors and lateral survivors of childhood sexual abuse, we hope our drawings and words help you feel stronger, less alone and more connected.
Thank you
Rebecca Russell
*verbatim poetry – poetry created from the original words spoken and recorded during the drawing connections sessions.
This project is part of Continuous Voices
Continuous Voices is a City of Ballarat project that connects trauma and creativity to stand for change and resistance against sexual assault and sexual abuse. The project acknowledges the courage of those who have stood for change and provides hope for these continuous voices to be heard. The project will work towards creating a public space in Ballarat to reflect. The shape of this space and memorial will be determined through creative collaborations with community.
VERBATIM POETRY
I need a bigger bandaid
that’s me trying to put a bandaid
on my head there
and it’s not really going to fix anything
there’s a bit more going on
than a bandaid
I’ll be right
I’ll be right
I’ll just get a big enough bandaid
I’ll be right
there he is
putting his big bandaid on
nothing to see here
nothing to see here
I’m alright
just gotta get a bigger bandaid
I’ve got it under control
not overwhelmed
AND alone
that’s me trying to put a bandaid
on my head there
and it’s not really going to fix anything
there’s a bit more going on
than a bandaid
I’ll be right
I’ll be right
I’ll just get a big enough bandaid
I’ll be right
there he is
putting his big bandaid on
nothing to see here
nothing to see here
I’m alright
just gotta get a bigger bandaid
I’ve got it under control
not overwhelmed
AND alone
is it me
protecting myself
or is it me
shutting the world out
I think it’s both
trying to manage
all of this
so you push it out
like that
but the management
also
pushes out connection
YES
so
you’re not overwhelmed
and
you’re alone
YES
YES
YES
we need to connect
in order to actually
nourish
the deepest part of ourselves
but the world is out there
so close
and yet so far
because
humans are
both
the source of harm
and
the source of healing
as in
connection with others
it’s one of the most
BRUTAL
aspects about
interpersonal violence
from other humans
BANG BANG
A TERROR OF HUMAN CONNECTION
BANG BANG
A TERROR OF HUMAN CONNECTION
the safety of human connection
is ruptured
BANG BANG
A TERROR OF HUMAN CONNECTION
so how do you
manage the noise
and actually keep
an opening
for connection
what’s a way of
kind of
helping your body
understand
that it’s in the
here and now
in your adult body
in safety
when it feels like
the
the little one
is the
most dominant feeling
in your adult body
here and now
in safety
hmmmmmm
tried to tell someone
I was trying to tell someone
I was trying to tell someone
I was trying to tell someone
of course
insanity is a mental health system
that doesn’t understand
people in distress
and people suffering
it’s a
brutal
hierarchical
medical
model
a
brutal
hierarchical
medical
model
a
brutal
hierarchical
medical
model
it’s all you want
to think
this can change
at some point
of course
of course
of course
of course
of course
sometimes small and vulnerable
I was trying to tell someone
I was trying to tell someone
of course
insanity is a mental health system
that doesn’t understand
people in distress
and people suffering
it’s a
brutal
hierarchical
medical
model
a
brutal
hierarchical
medical
model
a
brutal
hierarchical
medical
model
it’s all you want
to think
this can change
at some point
of course
of course
of course
of course
of course
sometimes small and vulnerable
you’re journeying
And
things are like
it’s potentially a bit
dangerous
the people
seem quite
vulnerable
the journey through life
as a survivor
is really scary
sometimes
and um yeah
you feel really
small and fragile
sometimes
but I also like the fact
that there is
three people
in the boat
and there’s a sense
that even though
it’s scary
they’re on the journey
together
so
um… hmmm
the crazy
in my brain
the noise
the lack of quiet
and I feel like sometimes
my brain
ruminates
on things to the point
where something tiny
has turned into a catastrophic event
it’s part of the
spiral
I try not to be too
hard on myself
but um…
it’s part of the
spiral
it’s part of the
spiral
it’s part of the
spiral
yeah
sometimes I just wish that
I was normal
or yeah
a little less damaged
I guess…
these last two
are a little bit happier
so um…
the large figure is
protective
happy
and surrounded by
their loved ones
this last one I like
because to me
it’s someone reaching out
to another person
it’s about connection
it’s about two humans
coming to connect
yeah…
suffering
And
things are like
it’s potentially a bit
dangerous
the people
seem quite
vulnerable
the journey through life
as a survivor
is really scary
sometimes
and um yeah
you feel really
small and fragile
sometimes
but I also like the fact
that there is
three people
in the boat
and there’s a sense
that even though
it’s scary
they’re on the journey
together
so
um… hmmm
the crazy
in my brain
the noise
the lack of quiet
and I feel like sometimes
my brain
ruminates
on things to the point
where something tiny
has turned into a catastrophic event
it’s part of the
spiral
I try not to be too
hard on myself
but um…
it’s part of the
spiral
it’s part of the
spiral
it’s part of the
spiral
yeah
sometimes I just wish that
I was normal
or yeah
a little less damaged
I guess…
these last two
are a little bit happier
so um…
the large figure is
protective
happy
and surrounded by
their loved ones
this last one I like
because to me
it’s someone reaching out
to another person
it’s about connection
it’s about two humans
coming to connect
yeah…
suffering
so when things go bad
we see ourselves as
no one will ever like me
so I only have sex with myself
when I try to connect
with someone
it looks like
I haven’t asked for consent
so we spend our life alone
and try and make something of it
then people try and give me maps
to recover
but I don’t understand them
so
there is a feeling of dread
that you end up having to find your own fun
connections
or
no connections
shame and protection
we see ourselves as
no one will ever like me
so I only have sex with myself
when I try to connect
with someone
it looks like
I haven’t asked for consent
so we spend our life alone
and try and make something of it
then people try and give me maps
to recover
but I don’t understand them
so
there is a feeling of dread
that you end up having to find your own fun
connections
or
no connections
shame and protection
so…
I think the first one says it all
it’s just really hard to speak to but
I felt that I was consumed
through that consumption
came my
seed of shame
I swallowed the seed of shame
then grew into a
little girl who
just hated herself
and loathed herself
all based around
shame that wasn’t her own
as she grows up
she closes herself in a box
and finally
after a long period of time
of trying to get out of there
I get out
and work out the balance between
being a strong woman
and
protecting the inner child
potential
I think the first one says it all
it’s just really hard to speak to but
I felt that I was consumed
through that consumption
came my
seed of shame
I swallowed the seed of shame
then grew into a
little girl who
just hated herself
and loathed herself
all based around
shame that wasn’t her own
as she grows up
she closes herself in a box
and finally
after a long period of time
of trying to get out of there
I get out
and work out the balance between
being a strong woman
and
protecting the inner child
potential
I set myself a challenge
to find things that I’d drawn
and that might have been quite
positive so…
it took me a while to remember
that I had traced my stone
to make those ones
if I had to give that first one a name
I would call that
potential
because it’s a bit like the
the solar eclipse type set up
where there is
that potential for
that disc to cover everything up
or it could slide the other way
and um
reveal something quite beautiful
( breath )
um…
with that second
little picture here
I was thinking that
this space in the middle
gives some sense that
those two Parts want to
connect together
the little dots
starting to congregate there
and there’s a few
starting to get that way
there’s some sense that
they could be joined
or
get back to being whole again
this one I’ve traced the stone
then I’ve traced around
this thing that I wear
when I leave the house
each of those things
that little nut there that I picked up outside the Gilford pub
years ago
when I was camping with my kids
or
that’s a little
ear tag from a stud ram
that I found in my dad’s ute
after he died
it says
valid
this little thing’s
a piece of copper
that I found
that I drilled some holes in
and those four holes
are my four kids
so
that was a really positive thing
yeah
everything on there
comes from somewhere
um and then of course
that one was just
the single stone
that’s my stone
that’s
that’s
yeah
that’s just a good thing
so that was my challenge
to find something
have I done anything
that makes me not just sit
in the darker bits
I went
that’s nice to see
yeah
yeah
tangents and similarities
to find things that I’d drawn
and that might have been quite
positive so…
it took me a while to remember
that I had traced my stone
to make those ones
if I had to give that first one a name
I would call that
potential
because it’s a bit like the
the solar eclipse type set up
where there is
that potential for
that disc to cover everything up
or it could slide the other way
and um
reveal something quite beautiful
( breath )
um…
with that second
little picture here
I was thinking that
this space in the middle
gives some sense that
those two Parts want to
connect together
the little dots
starting to congregate there
and there’s a few
starting to get that way
there’s some sense that
they could be joined
or
get back to being whole again
this one I’ve traced the stone
then I’ve traced around
this thing that I wear
when I leave the house
each of those things
that little nut there that I picked up outside the Gilford pub
years ago
when I was camping with my kids
or
that’s a little
ear tag from a stud ram
that I found in my dad’s ute
after he died
it says
valid
this little thing’s
a piece of copper
that I found
that I drilled some holes in
and those four holes
are my four kids
so
that was a really positive thing
yeah
everything on there
comes from somewhere
um and then of course
that one was just
the single stone
that’s my stone
that’s
that’s
yeah
that’s just a good thing
so that was my challenge
to find something
have I done anything
that makes me not just sit
in the darker bits
I went
that’s nice to see
yeah
yeah
tangents and similarities
feeling like the world
isn’t connected
onto flow…
some people have a life
that just follows the normal path
of straight and narrow
and others go off on
tangents
but it then moved inward
the beauty
of the world around us
but we can be
alone
trying to shield ourselves
from the outside world maybe
and keep it at bay
to then also that feeling of
turmoil
and
spinning out of control
.
.
.
first look at the dot
and think it’s lonely
and then you
zoom in
and the dot actually opens out
and it holds
a forest
and
a story
and
connection
.
.
.
I really like the way
that everyone’s
unique work
can thread
into a story
and it helps me see the
similarities
more and more
isn’t connected
onto flow…
some people have a life
that just follows the normal path
of straight and narrow
and others go off on
tangents
but it then moved inward
the beauty
of the world around us
but we can be
alone
trying to shield ourselves
from the outside world maybe
and keep it at bay
to then also that feeling of
turmoil
and
spinning out of control
.
.
.
first look at the dot
and think it’s lonely
and then you
zoom in
and the dot actually opens out
and it holds
a forest
and
a story
and
connection
.
.
.
I really like the way
that everyone’s
unique work
can thread
into a story
and it helps me see the
similarities
more and more